God's Own Drunk

I’d like to do a little creative wig bubble for you called “God’s Own Drunk”

Said, just like I say before, I'm a non-drinkin' man. Never drank for some reason or other - didn't like it. But like I said, too, I promised to take care of my brother-in law's still while he went in to vote.

Went up there and it was just where the map said it was. And I'm a gonna tell ya somethin', there was no li'l old five or ten cent still. It was laid there just like a golden mountain opal. With a kind of a honey dew cry a comin' from it.

I aren't a drinkin' man like I explained to you but that big old yellow moon was a hangin' out there, and God's lanterns was a hangin' in the sky and that curiosity got the best of me. And I took a slash. And I got a crazy revolutionary feelin' in my body. That yellow whiskey went down my throat like honeydew vine water. Huuuuh!!! It tasted mighty good! I felt a revolution goin' through my body like there was a great neon sign's a goin' up and sayin' "There's a great life a comin'!"

I could feel it talkin' to me and I took another slash and I got another jolt and I took another slash and I started to sing. I started to sing and that big ol' yellow moon a hangin' out there and God's sweet lanterns are hangin' in the sky. And I’s a singin'. Never could sing a note before in my life but I was singin' as fine and as pretty as you'd ever wanna hear.

And I took another slash. And then I took a big, full - that big ol' yellow moon a hangin' out there, God's lanterns hangin' in the sky, and suddenly I got a tremendous revolution of emotion in my body, like I was fallin' in love with everything in God's sweet world that moved. Lived, didn't live, animate, inanimate, black, blue, green, pink, mountains, fountains. I was in love with life. 'Cause I was DRUNK!

I wasn't fallin' down slippin 'n' slidin' drunk, I was God's own drunk - a fearless man.

And that's when I first saw the bear. Big ol' Kodiak lookin' fellah about 16 foot tall. I walked right on up to that bear 'cause I was God's own drunk and I loved everything in this world, walked right up tight to 'im about four and a half feet and I looked right up in his eyes and I wanna tell you somethin' brothers and sisters, my eyes was redder 'n his was - hung 'im up.

And he's a sniffin', he's a sniffin', he's trying to smell some fear - he can't do it cause I'm God's own drunk, and I'm a fearless man. He expects me to do two things - flip or fly - I don't do either, hangs 'im up.

I told him, I said,

"Mr. Bear, I'm God's own drunk and I love every hair on your twenty seven acre body. I'm a fearless man."

I said, "I want you to go - I know you got bear friends over the hill there, Harry Bear and Tim Bear and Jelly Bear and Tony Bear and Teddy Bear, Phil Bear, Hazel Bear, John Bear, Pete Bear and Rare Bear. Go over and tell all of 'em that I'm God's own drunk tonight, and I love everything in God's green creation, and I love them like brothers. But if they give me any trouble. I'm gonna run every GOD DAMN one of 'em off the hill!"

I moved up, don't you know he moved back two feet. I reached up and took the bear by the hand. I said ,

"Mr. Bear, we're both beasts when it comes right down to it."

He's a lookin' down at me. I said,

"I want you to come with me. You're gonna be my buddy, buddy bear."

Took him right by his big ol' shaggy island size hand and led him on over, sat him down by the still.

Well, he's sniffin', he's sniffin, he's knows there's honey dew around there, some kind of honey bear honey dew of some kind, he's a sniffin'. I know what he's a sniffin' at. I took a slash or two myself to taste her out and I filled him a bottle. Did ya ever see them bears, the silhouette a them bears at the circus suckin' up that sarsaparilla Aaaaah it was a fine lookin' sight.

And he downed another bottle and he downed another bottle and I put two more on 'im and pretty soon he started sniffin' and snortin', tapped his foot. He got up and started to do the Bear Dance - two sniffs, three snorts, a half a turn and one grunt. And I'm tryin' to do it, but I couldn't do it 'cause it was just like a jitterbug dance - it was so simple it evaded me.

But we was a dancin' and yellin', and God's sweet moon hangin' in the sky and God's sweet lanterns out there and there's jubilation and love on that hill and finally it piled up and up and up and got so strong it overwhelmed my soul. And I laid back on that sweet green hill with that big ol' buddy bear paw right in mine and I went to sleep.

And I slept for four hours and dreamt me some tremulous dreams. And when I woke up, that ol' yellow moon was a hangin' in the sky, and God's sweet lanterns was out there, and my buddy the bear was a missin'. And you want to know somethin' else brothers and sisters? So was the still.

from "Wayout Humor"

transcribed by Michael Monteleone